#TBT- The Woman Who Asks For Nothing Gets...Nothing

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 “My girl never asks me for anything, so I am going to give her everything”

This quote shall, from this day forth, be known as the fuckboy emancipation proclamation. It has been echoed everywhere from reality TV to “love songs”. Social media has made it a banner of faux celebration for independent women and it has become the crème da la crème of sentiments that seek to make women feel bad for expecting even the bare minimum in return for what we willingly give to the men in our lives.

The buck stops here.

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Women, by nature, are givers. We pour into the lives of those we love with reckless abandon and, often times, we receive only a fraction of what we give in return. We spend our lives wearing this selflessness as a badge of honor in our personal and professional relationships until we are completely empty. And then we fall in love. We find a man who is supposed to join us in the tango of reciprocity. We give of our time, emotions and bodies; however, the moment we voice desires of our own — -we become instantly undeserving? It is only through our silence that we become worthy? The very same silence that illicits “i-can’t-read-your-mind”-s and “closed mouths don’t get fed”-s is supposed to prove that we are strong enough to carry their world and our own without a flinch. The very same silence that men rests their morals, or lack thereof, upon is the key to everlasting #baegoals.

I call foul and you should too.

If you ask for nothing, you get nothing. Let me say that one more time: if you ask for nothing, you get nothing. Asking for what you need or want in a relationship doesn’t make you any less of a strong, independent woman who can pack her bags the moment she is taken for granted. There is a big difference between realistic expectations of a man with whom you are building a relationship and dependency on a man with whom you are building a sponsorship. The former ensures that your love tank stays full and that, like karma, what goes around comes right on back around. There are women walking around depleted of all their goodness because the world will have them believe that this is what being a woman entails. Spending year after year not getting what you need sexually, emotionally, mentally or otherwise does not a woman make. Being able to own and voice what you need from your partner is not a strike against you — -it’s what will keep your relationship progressing even in the hard times. Any man, or woman, who tells you otherwise is lying. But you don’t have to take my word for it…it’s possible for a plain country pumpkin and a prince to join in marriage. Impossible…things are happening everyday!

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Iman Milner3 Comments